3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
