you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize