Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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