First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The Olympian is in my bed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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