final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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