I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
