the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
