Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
