honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
