I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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