I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Are we still banned from the library?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
