we're chasing vodka with high fives
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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