I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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