Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize