Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize