My Higher Power is John Stamos
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
