Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
