I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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