I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
