the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
