Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
