then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
