What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
