Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
