I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is Oprah even human
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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