pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
