so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
