I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
