so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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