found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize