Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
