its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
