i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
