Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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