remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
