Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
