is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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