Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
