i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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