you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
