11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why do cheetos always look like penises
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
