I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
