This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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