Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
