If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
