Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
