i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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