I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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