if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
