I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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