Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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