seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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