That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
