Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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