toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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