the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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