Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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