so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
