he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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