New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
