sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
