Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
