I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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