Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
nutella sex= disaster
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
