And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
